Hello and welcome to Anticipating Nowhere #36 and a music blog that this time around doesn’t mention music.
This last week I have been on annual leave and have spent the week with my daughter. We’ve been for walks, bike rides and gone swimming and I have spent most of the entire week away from the computer in general and social media in particular. It has been the most wonderful week, my daughter and I have had a brilliant time together yet I end the week on a slightly flat note.
There are several reasons for this:
the sadness of losing that precious time with my daughter and having to acknowledge, once again, how much my work takes me away from spending those valuable hours with her and the fun and laughter we had.
the anxiousness that comes with returning to an incredibly busy job from time off, wondering what is waiting for you in the email inbox and how much catching up you need to do.
the realisation of how much I thrive and, in some ways, depend on that pace and pressure at work to push myself forward. I need that pressure to work well along with the autonomy to work out how to make things happen. Set me a challenge or 5 and I will work out ways to resolve them, give you ideas and help make them happen and I get a real buzz from that.
Whilst it is important to take pleasure and pride in ones work I realised this week how much I let it take over me. I want to push and push and keep doing more, better and I let it become too much of a fixation. A drug to prove to myself I can do all these things I used to constantly tell myself I could never do.
So yes, I’ve had the most wonderful week and my daughter and I have forged an ever stronger bond of love, trust and friendship.
However, as I type this on Sunday, the day before I publish AN#36, I sit here exhausted, run down and, as I mentioned at the start of this blog, a little flat.
As always, time away from work allows one to reflect on the things that you have been too busy to deal with previously – I have learnt more about myself and understand my goals in my working life.
It is great to have drive and ambition and I am in a role where I truly feel happy at work for the first time in 20 years. But, as I always tell my team, family must come first yet here I am sitting from 8-8 every day working hard like a madman, too focussed to want to be interrupted!
Having recognised and acknowledge that I give too much time and effort to my work, I need to allow myself to take a step back and accept that in doing so it doesn’t mean I won’t work hard and that I will be no worse at my job for doing so. It is that healthy balance of work and home life that is too heavily weighted to the working side at present and I need to address that.
I don’t know if I have the strength and courage to do that right now without feeling like I won’t be as effective if I am not pelting along at 100mph all day every day.
Courage, wisdom and compassion: the 3 qualities that swell from within each of us as we reveal our Buddha nature – I feel like I am lacking these at present. No, not lacking. I am fearful of bringing them forth as that means change and there has been so much of that already this year.
However, it is that fundamental transformation of our inner selves that propels each of us to greatness and it is only by facing those fears with those 3 qualities that we can continue to elevate our lives and the lives of those around us and key to that is the home and family.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Artist – Track – Album
Tapes & Tubes – grocery bills – sugarbushey
0781KT – 8 – Nausea
CAROLINE MCKENZIE – the temperature of the stars pt.1 – CAROLINE MCKENZIE – COLDSORE – splittape
Q-Q – Casa Susanna – Vanguard Youth
dogs versus shadows – Trix abound – Sandskimma
IVY NOSTRUM – LOAM – COMPOUND PEDS
Firas Khnaisser & Jack Weir – The Minute Someone Arrives, Everything Is Set In Motion – We Don’t Need Other Worlds, We Need Mirrors
R.Weis – Parrot & Paperback, Pt.II – Parrot & Paperback
Yu – Adult Insides – Downloads
Tapes & Tubes – Lancaster – sugarbushey
Pettaluck – Night Sky – S.T.E.M.
Expose Your Eyes – E.Y.E. Love You – Brain Pan
Stuart Chalmers & Alan Courtis – THREE – Rtuals of Cmmon Lnguage
Leaaves – Limits of Distance – 12 Worlds
Ardais Evilasio – Plutchik´s Wheel – Euphoria
the dones * black_ops – black film – alamut
As always, please support these artists and labels in any way you can, links to all tracks in the show are below.
Peace : Respect : Compassion
Anticipating Nowhere #36